


France is Lovely This Time of Year

by Callica



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callica/pseuds/Callica
Summary: Erin takes some time off following Emily’s death.
Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Erin Strauss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

> _“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not, and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

Erin had always hated the sand. The way it flew around her when the wind picked up, clinging to whatever surface it came into contact with, creeping into places it shouldn't go. As she stepped into her assigned tent in the dessert camp, she tried to brush it off as best as she could, but there was still sand sticking to her skin. She was afraid there always would be—the sand was now a part of her. Erin looked at her humble bunk and longed for the king sized bed with silk sheets waiting for her back in the states. She missed the boring but safe walls of the bureau, a major contrast to the dangerous desert she found herself in now. She didn't like admitting it, but she missed the BAU as well.

Working with the men and few women here had made her realize just how good she had it back in Quantico. All of the trivial matters that used to infuriate her seemed like child's play in comparison to her new setting. She would never be able to forget some of the things she had witnessed in this desert. Since Jennifer had unwillingly joined the ensemble, however, Erin felt she had found a kindred spirit. One who knew what she had left at home; one who also had no desire to be traipsing through the deserts of the Middle East chasing a ghost of a man. Erin found herself drawing closer to the younger woman because she seemed safe and reminded her of what she was desperately missing. The two spent what few minutes of downtime they had reminiscing of times that now seemed to be a lifetime ago. The more Jennifer shared about her team—her family—the more Erin longed to be home with them. To perhaps start over, become a member of the team instead of the enemy. Her talks with Jennifer were the only things keeping her sane amongst all the testosterone, torture, and sand. However, Erin knew this wasn't what truly drew her to the younger woman. She reminded Erin of the one person she was missing most....Emily.

Agent Prentiss had been a great addition to the team those few years ago. While she and Erin had a rocky start, to put it lightly, their dynamic had shifted dramatically from constant tension and dissension to a symbiotic peacefulness. It had started when Erin accompanied the team into the field in Milwaukee. Agent Hotchner had recently requested a transfer following his two-week suspension. Agent Prentiss had resigned from the FBI entirely after refusing to become Erin's informant. The team needed supervision with Gideon missing, so her hand was forced. But in true BAU fashion, the transfer and resignation moved slower through the bureaucratic channels than they should have, and the two agents joined them in the field for that case. Against her better judgement, she turned a blind eye to Miss Garcia's blatant interference, as she knew it was the analyst's final act of desperation to keep her family together. She was later glad that she had.

Erin had not handled being in the field well, and the whole team noticed. She suspected it had given most of them some semblance of satisfaction. But Agent Prentiss had taken pity on her after she broke down at the crime scene of the last victim. She left the scene to check on the older woman and sat in the backseat of one of the SUVs with her. She said nothing at first. She didn't even look at Erin. She simply reached her hand across the seat, grabbed the section chief's hand, and intertwined their fingers. While the team processed the scene, they sat there in silence, Emily rubbing circles on the back of her boss's hand with her thumb. Erin only dared look up once her tears had stilled. She found Emily staring at her. There was no scorn present on the agent's face as she had expected. Only kindness and a look of understanding. _Everyone has a case that gets to them. Might be your first, might be the hundredth. We all go through this, ma'am. The other agents have seen so many horrible things that they have forgotten what that case was like for them, but I can't forget. We eventually train ourselves to compartmentalize, effectively shutting off the normal human reactions one should experience. We place heavy armor around our hearts so we can do our job efficiently and without bias. It gets easier, but it's never easy. Do not feel bad for being human. There's a light inside all of us that will eventually be snuffed out by all the evil we surround ourselves with. You don't have to become the next victim to the job, ma'am. You can keep that light._ Erin had no words after that. She smiled at the agent beside her, gripping her hand tighter. They only parted when the rest of the team headed back to the SUV. But that moment was enough to get Erin through the rest of the case.

When Emily wanted to go inside that house, Erin knew it was their best shot to save a woman's life. But the thought of her going into the den of a psychopath made Erin sick. The moment it was brought up, she said no a little more quickly than was probably appropriate. Emily knew the danger. She knew Erin was worried. The younger agent was stubborn, though, and went against her orders, getting herself hurt in the process. She was sure she would never hear the end of it from Strauss, who was rushing to her side as she left the house. She walked her to the ambulance, but was pushed away by the paramedics. Even though Emily had recklessly charged into danger and earned herself a severe concussion, she had been more concerned about Erin when it was all over. When Erin had went back to check on her, Emily had looked pissed at the treatment she was receiving, insisting the major head wound was "just a scratch." It was Erin's turn to offer her comfort, but Emily didn't want it. _Just a hazard of the job, ma'am. We hunt down psychopaths. A little danger comes with the territory. But you never signed up for this._

As soon as the team boarded the jet, Erin distanced herself from the others, wanting to be alone. But Emily was having none of it. She plopped down next to her boss, ignoring the questioning glances from her coworkers. Without thinking, Emily grabbed her hand again and rested them on her lap. It helped to dissipate some of the residual nerves from the case, and Erin was grateful. The rest of the team left them alone for the flight. When the plane landed and the team went their separate ways, Emily insisted she come home with her under the guise of needing supervision after the head trauma. She stayed with her that night, Emily hushing the nightmares that plagued her. Erin gained an immense amount of respect for the BAU and what they did after that case. The director, however, did not always share her sentiments.

Upon their return, Erin put her job on the line in order to make sure both agents were reinstated. She sought out the young agent she had intended to make her protégée—until she ruined it by bullying her into becoming an informant against her own—in order to make amends and thank her for all she had done for her during that case. Agent Prentiss had what it took to run the whole bureau once she learned the political game. Regardless of what the director thought, Emily was definitely leadership material. He wouldn't be in his position forever. Out of that apology grew a friendship behind closed doors. To the rest of the team, Emily kept up appearances. But those late nights when their lamps were the last two burning, they would meet in Erin's office to discuss cases, vent frustrations, bounce ideas around, and, perhaps Erin's favorite part, battle their wits against the other. They shared stories, drinks, and lots of laughs. Eventually Emily had started to call for advice or to hear a friendly voice while away on cases.

Their bond grew stronger than Erin had ever thought possible. She didn't make friends easily, and very rarely kept them for long. But her friendship with Emily was different. They were more similar than anyone would have ever guessed. And Erin found herself letting the walls around her down in the presence of the younger woman. When Emily received a brutal beating in that religious cult, Erin had spent the first three nights following their return on Emily's couch. Emily would insist she was fine. Erin would insist on taking care of her anyways. When she almost died in that car crash, Erin all but moved in. She refused to leave Emily's side, even sharing the younger woman's bed to keep a constant check on her. At least, that's what she told herself. Staying at Emily's apartment became more frequent after that, especially during Erin's tumultuous divorce and custody battle. Just as Erin had been there for Emily through all of the many injuries the woman received in the field, Emily stayed by her side through the ugly separation, offering as much comfort as she could.

Her affection towards the other woman had grown exponentially in the past few years. They talked almost daily until Erin's assignment out in this wasteland. Now her only connection to her little firecracker was through short emails and the stories her and Agent Jareau swapped here and there. And for someone who so adamantly claimed to not be a profiler, Jennifer had some very keen instincts. She had quickly figured out her attachment to Emily and was more than happy to share all the embarrassing details about her friend that she could. Erin shared a few of her own funny stories about the woman they both loved in return. They grew closer over this mutual bond, almost to the point that they would have considered themselves friends. Almost. But Erin was a very closed off person, and Jennifer found it difficult to overlook some of their history. But each of the women needed some form of comfort, so they continued to seek out the other's company. 

So when Jennifer walked into her tent that night, it wasn't a surprise. She had just returned from home after being called away for a family emergency, and Erin suspected she was homesick already. What was a surprise were the tears in Jennifer's red eyes and the heavy bags under them. Erin patted the empty spot at the end of her cot prompting the young agent to collapse. She kept quiet, allowing the other woman time to compose herself. It wasn't long before Jennifer broke the silence.

"I needed you to hear this from me. Emily would want me to.I'm so sorry, Erin. We tried to save her, but Emily is gone. She's dead."

In that moment Erin's world came crashing down around her. She vaguely felt the hand slide around her shoulders as the tears violently shook her body. The only person she dared call her friend was gone. She felt the air leave her lungs as Jennifer recounted the events of the past few days. Erin had known all about Lauren Reynolds and her relationship with Ian Doyle. She had heard the stories of Emily's time under cover on multiple occasions. Emily had assured Erin, and herself, many times that she was safe. He was locked away for good and couldn't get to her. And yet, he had and was still running free. Erin was devastated and angry. Why was she not informed when Jennifer had been? Why wasn't she there? Now Emily was gone and had taken a piece of Erin Strauss's heart with her to the grave. A feeling that Erin would not allow herself to name, to even think about, crept its way into her heart. The only thing she would allow herself to focus on was the fact that everything was going to change.

* * *

A few months after Emily's passing, Erin was finally given a reprieve. Her presence in this godforsaken desert was no longer needed. Her orders were to return to Quantico. She was tasked with finding a replacement for Emily, as if anyone could ever take her place. The moment the plane had landed, Erin hopped into the waiting SUV. Instead of going to the office or to her home, Erin headed straight for the cemetery. It had been several months since she had last seen Emily. She needed to visit her. She had to see the engraved name on that headstone before she could fully allow herself to grieve. And the moment her fingers ran over the name etched into that stone, she broke. It was now suddenly so real, _too real_. She sat next to the grave of one of the greatest women she had ever known and allowed her grief to flow freely. She was beyond sorry for not being there when Emily needed her most. She was beyond helpless without her. She was beyond detached from the world around her. The only thing she knew for sure was that she missed her little firecracker.

How long she sat propped up against Emily's headstone whispering apologies and promises, Erin didn't know. But she picked herself up and drove to the bureau. She felt nothing but ice in her veins as she stepped into the BAU bullpen. Not caring that she was still dressed in her ridiculous khakis and vest, she marched into Aaron Hotchner's office slamming the door behind her. She was livid and needed a target for all of her anger. She fought her tears as hard as she could. She would not let her subordinate see her in such a fragile state. She summoned all of her strength and prepared to unleash the ice bitch they all thought her to be.

"How could you let this happen? We protect our own, Aaron. You should have kept her safe."

A few tears trickled down Erin's face against her will. Her strength was diminishing by the minute. She knew Aaron would see through her. She didn't care anymore. She wanted an explanation for her loss. She wanted to fire the whole team for not keeping Emily safe. She let out a heavy breath, but it sounded more like a sob. They loved Emily, too. They were grieving, too. But they had each other to grieve with. Erin had lost the only person she had in the world. Her grief was hers and hers alone.

"Emily went after him alone. Doyle began targeting families, and she wanted to protect us. She thought we were next, so she sacrificed herself to keep us safe. With all due respect ma'am, you of all people know how stubborn she can be. She decided to handle this on her own, left her credentials, gun, and phone, and took off to Boston. She cut off all communication with us. By the time we located her, it was too late. She fought as hard as she could, but died during surgery. For what it's worth, Erin, she asked me to tell you that she was sorry."

Another round of tears started to fall. Erin knew that side of Emily well. She was irrational when upset and fiercely protective of those she cared about. But Emily was surrounded daily by a group of profilers. So how could they have missed this? She nodded her head and resigned to the fact that no amount of anger or blame would bring Emily back to her. She collected the list of names Aaron had compiled as possible replacements and the files that needed her attention. She headed to her office only to grab her go bag and the key to Emily's apartment that she stashed in case of an emergency. She knew Sergio was probably upset without Emily and would appreciate the company. Her home seemed too large and lonely all of a sudden. Emily loved her apartment, and Erin felt more at home there than the house she kept in the divorce. As soon as she stepped through the door, she was greeted by the ball of black fur. At least for tonight she could be close to her Emily.

_Her Emily_. The thought stopped Erin in her tracks. There was that nameless feeling gnawing at her again. Try as she might, there was no shaking it off this time. She allowed the feeling to consume her as she took a much needed shower. Resigning to the fact that no work was getting done tonight, she grabbed Sergio and curled up in Emily's bed, sinking into the first real mattress she had laid on in what felt like years. She finally allowed herself to think about the hollowness in her chest. She knew this was more than the loss of a friend, even a close one. Erin Strauss was a lot of things, but a fool was not one of them. Somewhere inside of her she knew she hadn't viewed Emily as just a friend for sometime. Part of her thought she might have always felt this way. And that was what hurt her the most. All that time she spent ignoring the love that was growing inside her was wasted. She would never get to tell Emily how much she loved seeing her smile or the way she bit her lip when deep in thought. She would never get to hold her, to kiss her, to show her how much she cared about her. There were too many things she would never get to share with this woman who had captured her heart. She absentmindedly stroked Sergio's back as he slept next to her. That small movement keeping her grounded when she wished to fly away to wherever Emily was. To escape a world she no longer wished to belong in without Emily Prentiss. She stared at the ceiling and whispered, hoping her message would find its way to her.

_"I love you."_


	2. 2

> _”It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.” -Rose Kennedy_

The days ticked by slowly as Erin tried to adjust to life without Emily. Not only was it more difficult to transition back into the office than she had anticipated, it was getting increasingly more difficult to walk through these halls without seeing her. Some nights she could swear that she could hear her laughter coming from the bullpen. Those nights her office seemed to close in on itself. It became smaller with each breath she took, threatening to swallow her. She could hardly stand working in her office late at night. It reminded her of all the times she had met with Emily in this office in the early stages of their friendship. Though if Erin was being honest, everything was reminding her of Emily these days.

She had started spending more and more nights in Emily's apartment. She no longer saw a need to keep that large home that she had grown to despise, so she put it up for sale three weeks after returning to DC. She had taken over the rent on Emily's apartment As soon as she received the news and arranged for a caregiver for Sergio until she was home. She had moved most of her things into it not long after her return. She had yet to move any of Emily's things. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to. Aside from the addition of Erin's clothing and few personal items she wished to keep from her old home, the apartment was just as Emily had left it. Regardless of the fact that she lived there, she was paying for it, and Emily was gone, it would never be Erin's apartment. It would always be Emily's. Sergio seemed to tolerate their new arrangement. He was happy enough to have a human to sleep with at night. His presence calmed her. Being in Emily's apartment came with its own set of problems, however. Erin expected the apartment to feel cold without Emily’s warm presence. She expected it to feel much lonelier than it did. But it was almost as I’d Emily was still there. Her scent was everywhere. No matter where she looked, she could see the younger woman. She could almost feel the her presence on the nights she missed her the most. Those nights were increasingly becoming more prevalent. Time was doing nothing to help her healing. Erin spent more time remembering all the times she and Emily had spent there together than she did working.

It was that reason that it took her longer than she would have liked to get her affairs around the office settled. There were very few promising candidates on Aaron's list, but Agent Seaver had been personally trained by Emily. She wanted the position, and already had a good rapport with the team. From what David had told her, Agent Seaver was instrumental in finding Emily. Erin saw potential in that young girl, but she felt the team still needed a seasoned agent to replace Emily. It wasn't up to her, however, so Agent Seaver joined the team as a probationary agent. For now, the team seemed placated enough by the news. They were now down two team members, but it was all for the better that they did not have to welcome in another outsider. Erin’s paperwork was finally caught up from her extended absence. The team’s mandatory grief counseling was completed, all members of the team cleared. Aaron had done a remarkable job handling it. Her own grief counseling was At a standstill and under wraps, not that it was even remotely helpful—no amount of counseling would bring her only friend back. At the close of the day, her house would be sold. It was time that Erin finally took that vacation leave she had been saving up. France was sure to be lovely this time of year, and it was where it had all began for Emily and that monster. It wasn't the most promising of leads, but it was a starting point. She was hellbent on keeping the promise she made to Emily and herself that day at her grave. She was going to find him and make him pay. She was resigned to the fact that she had been useless since hearing the news of Emily’s death. Her energy would be far more useful focused in something that mattered. At the end of the day, the bureaucratic nonsense did not hold a candle to her desire for justice. She had very few loose ends left to tie up before her flight later that day. She could not wait to be away from the office that she had missed just a few months prior. Things had really changed. 

She grabbed her suitcase and the spare key to Emily's apartment before heading out in search of Miss Garcia. Emily often talked about her work with Erin, but was reserved when talking about most if her team members. Penelope Garcia, however, obviously held a special place in the brunette’s heart. Emily spoke of her often. That alone told Erin she was trustworthy. She doubted Garcia would be willing to help for Erin’s sake, but she had no doubts whatsoever that she would do anything for Emily’s. She knocked gently on the door to the analyst's office before hearing a soft "enter if you dare." Erin couldn't help the small smile from finding its way onto her face. Everything Emily had told her about this funny woman seemed to be true. That helped ease some of the nerves that had formed in her stomach. Erin walked into the dim office, the sound of her heels hitting the floor giving her away. Garcia whipped her chair around and stared in surprise.

"My apologies, ma'am. I wasn't expecting you."

It seemed that most of her interactions with the analyst involved an apology. She thought briefly about her first encounter with Garcia in Milwaukee. At the time, Erin had been horrified by her lack of professionalism. However, it didn't take Erin long to recognize the charm in the younger woman. They all had ways of dealing with the job. Garcia was simply more creative. Erin allowed herself to smile tenderly at the analyst. If she was determined to become friendly with the BAU team members, Erin knew this was the perfect place to start. 

"It's quite alright, Miss Garcia. How are you holding up?"

Garcia looked confused at the tenderness her section chief was displaying. This was only the second time her boss had ever entered her inner sanctum, and the first had been nothing short of awkward. 

"I'm not quite sure I understand, ma'am."

"I know you and Emily were close. It's been a few months since she passed, but wounds such as this don't heal quickly. Grief counseling can only provide one with so much."

Penelope felt some of her nerves calm. Regardless of the reputation her superior had gained around the office, she had a heart. She was human. Penelope had always known it, but she was happy to finally get to see it. She allowed a sad smile to appear on her face as she regarded the woman in front of her. She had called her Emily, and though Penelope was no profiler, that detail told her there was something more between Section Chief Strauss and her dearly departed best friend.

"Everyday is a new day. Emily wouldn't appreciate any of us disrupting our live or our work for her sake. She'd sooner crawl out of the grave and kick some ass before she would watch us give up. As much as I miss her, I want to live a life she would be proud of." Chief Strauss smiled brightly at her words, and Penelope could swear she heard her boss snort. Feeling brave, she decided to pry. "Are you doing okay, ma'am? I don't mean to overstep, but you called her Emily."

Erin was shocked by the concern she saw on the analyst's face. It was the first time anyone other than her therapist had checked on her since she last spoke to Jennifer. She felt the tear that dared slide down her cheek without her permission. She flipped the lock on the door and sat in the extra chair next to the analyst. If she could talk to anyone in this godforsaken office, she felt safe talking to Garcia.

"That I did, Miss Garcia. Emily and I grew quite close over the last few years—closer than I have ever allowed myself to get to anyone. She kept me sane during some tough times, and I would like to hope I did the same for her. Until Doyle. I failed to be here to keep her safe. And that is something I will always carry with me. She never told the team about our friendship as a way to protect me, and herself, so my grief has been forced to happen behind closed doors. But I am making it. I have taken over the lease on her apartment and moved in, and I have been caring for Sergio. He'll never be able to understand why his owner is not coming home, but having a familiar presence has been good for the both of us I am trying to do for her in death what I could not do for her in life. Like you, I’m trying to are her proud."

She could see the pity on the analyst's face, but she couldn't be bothered to care about keeping up appearances. So when Penelope offered her hand, she readily accepted it.

“She would be proud, you know.”

Erin nodded and smiled. "I wanted to check on you, and I appreciate you checking on me, but there is another reason for my visit. I am aware that you and your team have a slight penchant for ignoring the rules when one of your own is concerned." Erin put up a hand and gave her a reassuring smile to quiet the protests or apologies the woman was about to give. "I'm not here to interfere or lecture. I am simply here for whatever information you have accrued in your searches. I assume no one has given up searching for Doyle."

Penelope let out a sigh of relief. She released her boss's hand and turned to her many computer screens.

"Derek would rather die than give up hope of finding him. We don't have much, unfortunately. But I just sent you the files we do have. Most of our information is from prior to Emily's death, however we have one solid theory. Doyle will be searching for his son now that he knows he is alive. We have agents guarding him, but we have no solid information indicating that Doyle is even in the country. But I will keep looking until I find him. I'll keep you informed as we find anything new. Am I to assume this is our dirty little secret?"

Erin winced a little at the term but nodded. "If I may, I have another favor to ask. I am going away for a little while and Sergio needs someone to take care of him. I do not want the other members of your team knowing anything about my relationship with Emily or my new living arrangements. I do not want anyone's memory of Emily to be tainted, and I know they would think differently of her for spending time with someone who has caused them much strife in the past. I know keeping secrets might not be easy for you, but Emily trusted you with her life. I'm hoping I can find that kind of trust with you as well. You have a kind heart, Miss Garcia. I have complete faith in you."

Penelope knew that keeping secrets to her team was nearly impossible. Garcia was a terrible liar. Even if she wasn't asked directly, Derek would know she was hiding something. But seeing that Strauss had Emily's best interest at heart, even in death, was comforting to know. So Penelope would try her damndest to help. She readily accepted her new orders from her boss. Even if they were presented as favors, Penelope knew saying no was not an option. Strauss needed someone in her corner for once.

"Here is the spare key to the apartment. Everything he needs should be on the kitchen counter, as well as some money in case he or you need anything in my absence. Please do take good care of him for me. I've grown rather fond of the little demon."

Penelope flashed her trademark megawatt smile and saluted her boss. Erin knew everything would be safe in Penelope's hands, and that eased some of the burden she had been carrying. However, she had doubts about her secrets being kept. Eventually the rest of the team would know. But Erin hoped she wouldn’t be here when it happened. She hoped that upon her return, she would have Ian Doyle in custody, and that would ease some of the animosity between her and the team. 

Erin left the analyst and headed in the direction of the bullpen. Her last stop before the airport was Agent Hotchner's office. She dreaded the conversation that was about to happen, but she had to admit that Aaron was growing on her. She could not ignore his skills in the field, nor could she deny he had an aptitude for balancing his in-office duties while away on a case. Not to mention his leadership abilities. She trusted he would be able to handle her duties in her absence. She tried to ignore the looks from the other agents as she walked through the bullpen on her way to his office. If they only knew how many times she put her own job at risk for them, how many times she had stuck up for them, and how much more she was trying to do. She left her suitcase at the bottom the the stairs in the bullpen. She assumed that was part of the reason for the looks. She simply turned and smiled at the team before climbing the few stair to Aaron's office. There was no need to knock as he was there waiting for her.

"Chief Strauss. What can I do for you?"

"I've amassed quite a few vacation days, Agent Hotchner. I believe it's high time I use them. I'll be away at least a month, maybe longer if I find what I'm looking for."

Aaron quirked an eyebrow. He had learned a while ago to pick his battles where his boss was concerned. He sensed there was something more to this vacation, but this was one of the times he dared not question her. For that she was thankful.

"In my extended absence, I will need someone to take over my duties. Emergent things will be passed to me, but some of the lesser tasks will need attending to. I would like you to be the one to handle them. I do not trust anyone else to do so. Should you agree, I will be reachable by text or email, and calls if there is an immediate need. However, the time difference will be difficult to work with. Please do not consider this a punishment, Aaron. I did not come to you with the intent to drown you in paper work and bureaucratic nonsense. But I cannot leave my affairs to someone I do not believe to be capable."

Aaron was a man of few words, and even fewer emotions, but this seemed to have caught him off guard.

"Agent Morgan seems like a promising agent. Pass some of your workload to him if you need help. He is an asset that I'm afraid you rarely utilize."

"Of course, Erin. I can assure you when you're ready to return, the office will still be standing. I will not let the place burn to the ground in your absence. The director is on board with this?"

The director had most certainly not been on board. He had been quite adamant that she take no more than a week, but even that, to him, was pushing it. However, Erin was quite skilled when it came to getting what she wanted. When she had to go up against people like the director, there were very few tactics she would not employ to get her way. She knew she could push the boundaries a little further than most. There were not many people lining up to take Erin's position, so she felt her job to be secure.

"Not exactly. He almost denied my leave request outright. But after some arm twisting, and a few resignation threats, he finally acquiesced. I have the utmost faith in your abilities to run things while I'm away, and the director gave me free reign to choose anyone I see fit to handle my responsibilities. I will owe you for this. When you see it fit to collect, just say the word. Anderson is waiting to escort me to the airport, but I have left everything you will need with my assistant. Should the need to use my office arise, she will give you access. I don't expect there to be many problems, but I will be available if needed. Regardless of what for. Thank you, Aaron. You do not know how much this means to me."

He simply nodded before walking her down to the bullpen floor. Erin grabbed her suitcase and made for the exit. She stopped at the glass doors and turned to address the team who had once been such a thorn in her side.

"I am taking an extended vacation. Agent Hotchner will be taking on most of my duties in my absence, so please be patient with him. I thank you all for the excellent work you've been doing recently under the circumstances. It is hard losing an agent, especially one who was such an important member of a team such as this. Agent Prentiss would be proud, I'm sure. Not that it means much coming from me. If you all need anything from me while I am away, do not hesitate to contact me. Vacation or not, I am here."

Erin needed to make amends. It is what Emily would want. What she would expect. It would take a while for her to earn even the smallest amount of trust from this team, but she was willing to put in the effort. Once Doyle was in custody—or dead—she would focus her energy towards doing the right thing. The right thing had been keeping this team together, and so far her track record was lacking. She had tried to get rid of Aaron. She had failed in keeping Jennifer. She had failed in keeping Emily safe. She wouldn't fail them again. As she took her seat on the jet the director was so kind to lend her, she felt a little weight lift from her. She smiled to herself. France was sure to be lovely this time of year, and she could not wait to be there.


	3. 3

> _“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.” -Khalil Gibran_

Emily walked down the streets of a city she had never wished to see again. It was a cruel joke that this where they had sent her into hiding. All the history she had with this city was never far from her mind. Her time with Doyle had been pleasant mostly, and that made her skin crawl. She felt nothing but guilt now at allowing herself to fall victim to his charm. There were many times she had to remind herself that she was undercover. That she was still Emily Prentiss and not Lauren Reynolds. Being back in this city was a harsh reminder of how she had failed. She had become Lauren Reynolds. She let that monster in. She cared for the man under the monster, only to find out there was no man there at all. And when the time had come for her to put an end to it, she failed again. She had faked her death a second time and ran away. Lauren Reynolds was dead. Now so was Emily Prentiss. She wasn’t sure who she was now. 

These past few months had felt like years. She missed her team. She missed being at work. She missed her cozy apartment and her little black ball of love. She hoped Penelope had him and was taking good care of him. Above all, though, she missed a certain blonde the most. She kept the last email she had received from Erin, and read it over and over on the nights that she needed a little extra comfort. Those nights were coming more often the longer she had stayed in hiding. By this point, she had the email memorized. She wished more than anything that she could tell the woman she was still alive. But any contact with those back home was dangerous, even with the section chief. Even with the two who knew she was alive. Emily would rather die for real than put her team and the woman she cared for so much in danger.

Paris was full of life tonight, but Emily was quite bored with all the place had to offer. Going out was a rare occasion for her anymore. At first it had been a precaution to hide away in various hotels. Seemed safer that way. Now that she finally felt safe enough to leave, she found she had no interest in roaming around. She preferred to bide her time playing online scrabble with "Cheeto Breath." She knew it was JJ, and that brought her a lot of comfort. Tonight, however, there was silence from her scrabble partner, and Emily was restless. She needed a drink. Or several drinks to forget about it all. And she longed to eat something besides the overpriced room service she had been living off of. She was craving something that was greasy and came out of a wrapper. She still, however, constantly scanned the streets for any threats.

Her eyes locked on a blonde head on the other side of the street. The woman reminded her so much of Erin that it hurt. She allowed herself to think back to happier times. Having drinks with her boss in her office long after everyone else had gone home. Erin caring for her when she stupidly got herself hurt yet again in the field. Repaying the favor through Erin's crazy divorce. Weekly dinners at her apartment that led to late night talks, which resulted in Emily forcing Erin to sleepover. Sharing her bed with the older woman, who was a cuddler in her sleep—something Emily didn't think Erin knew about herself. Emily missed being held by those surprisingly strong arms. She felt a little flutter in her stomach at the memory of her last sleepover with her friend. It was the last night she had seen Erin before she was sent off on her new assignment in the Middle East. They had went to bed earlier than usual that night, but stayed up later than intended talking and laughing. It was almost like a goodbye. Almost. Erin had brought her packed suitcase with her when she came for dinner wanting to spend as much time with Emily as she could before departing for the desert. Her orders didn't say how long she would have to stay, and they both knew they wouldn't get to talk as much as they had become accustomed to. But they made the most of the time they had while they had it.

Emily had woken first the next morning, as usual. Rather than going about her normal morning ritual of untangling herself to save Erin some embarrassment, however, she stayed in bed an relished in the feeling of Erin wrapped around her. She never wanted that moment to end. She knew then that she loved the woman. She stared at her sleeping form, her face more peaceful than Emily had ever seen it. It took all her strength to fight the strong need to kiss her. She became painfully aware in that moment how hard she had fallen fo her boss. She had suspected her feelingsfor a while, but she kept too busy to dwell on it. Now she had nothing but time, and she found herself thinking of it often. She doubted her feelings ever being returned, but she knew the other woman cared for her. When Erin finally came to that morning and saw their position, she was as embarrassed as Emily had predicted, but she didn't make any attempts to move away. Emily assured her it was okay, but she didn't mention that this is how she woke up every morning. Erin was almost late for her flight that day because Emily refused to let her get up. After the recent turn of events, Emily was glad she had insisted on spending that extra time being close to Erin. She only hoped she would one day get the chance to hold the blonde again.

She could only imagine what the news of her "death" did to Erin. She distanced herself from everyone because it was easier than opening herself up to the possibility of being hurt. Now the one person who she allowed to get close had abandoned her. Granted, she thought Emily to be dead, but when she was allowed out of hiding, she was sure the other woman would feel slightly betrayed. She only hoped that Erin was able to find someone to confide in. The rest of the team would help each other through it. But Erin didn't have that privilege. Emily knew she and Rossi had a history, and it was clear he was crazy about her. The thought of Erin in his arms, his hands touching her, made Emily sick. But if he could make the woman she loved happy, if he could help her through tough times in Emily's absence, then she would get over it for Erin's sake. She could bury her feelings and be the supportive friend, or so she kept telling herself.

The blonde head had long disappeared, but Emily was stuck staring at the empty spot. When JJ had helped her flee to France, they had discussed her new assignment, and her new acquaintance. It made her heart smile to know that JJ and Erin had put all past transgressions aside to be there for each other. Once this stent in hiding came to an end and her nightmare was over, she owed her friend a night out as a thank you. She only hoped that everyone understood. She hoped Erin would understand. The thought of coming back from the dead and having her friends hate her terrified Emily. She didn't allow herself to think about the possibility of Erin hating her. It was almost too much to bear. It wasn't as though hiding was her choice, or that she had been given any say in the matter. The decision to fake her death had been made for her before Emily had woken from surgery. Emily would have much preferred to get back out and hunt down the son of a bitch who had made her life a living hell and destroy him.

She would have been useful as bait. It wasn't like Doyle to leave any business unfinished. If he truly knew that she had survived the stake to her stomach, he wouldn't rest untilhe had finished what he started—or died trying. But Hotch and JJ thought it was safer to make Doyle think she was dead. He had fallen for it once before with Lauren Reynolds. If he fell for it again, he was more likely to make a mistake. Emily knew it was a lie. He would come after her again if he knew she was alive. She would rather be used as live bait to catch the asshole than twiddling her thumbs in hiding. Even though she had no choice in the matter, even though she wanted no part of this, it did not mean the others would see it that way when she miraculously resurrected. Having fallen victim to her darker thoughts, Emily gave up on her mission for greasy comfort food. She no longer felt hungry. She no longer felt anything other than sadness. She turned around and headed back to her hotel. Tomorrow she would move locations, so she had packing to do.

* * *

The next morning, Emily felt worse than she had the night before. Her sleep was restless, her dreams haunted by a blonde head running away from her through the streets. No matter how fast she ran, she couldn't reach the woman. She woke up crying and screaming Erin's name. If this nightmare wasn't over soon, Emily was sure she was going to go insane. She forced herself to get out of bed, only having an hour before her scheduled checkout time. She called to confirm her reservation at the next hotel before stumbling into the bathroom for a much needed shower. Bouncing around from hotel to hotel was getting old. As was this ridiculous haircut she had gotten. She hated her hair this short. It had grown some, but she knew she it was about time to get it cut again. She supposed it was better than a wig. As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she hardly recognized the figure staring back at her. Her eyes were hollow, her face too thin. She had lost way too much weight since being released from the hospital. The shamrock scar on her left breast caught her attention. She ran her fingers over the raised tissue and flinched. It no longer hurt physically. But every time she noticed it, she felt a different pain. Her a attention moved to the angrier looking scar on her stomach from the stake Doyle had driven into her. It didn't bother her near as much as the other. She didn't feel much of anything when she looked at it other than pride. She had won, again. No matter how many times Doyle tried to destroy her, she wouldn't let him win. She would never let him. The pain and the scars were constant reminders that things would never be the same—she would never be the same. She was thankful when the steam fogged up the mirror in front of her effectively snapping her back to reality.

She showered and dressed quickly before grabbing her few belongings and heading to her next temporary home. This was the last prearranged hotel on her list, so she would have to start looking for other options. She had foolishly hoped this ordeal would have been put to rest by now. She had enjoyed many of the hotels she had stayed in, but she vowed to never stay in the same place twice—just in case. Her luggage was light and the hotel was only a few blocks away, so Emily opted to walk. It was a sunny day and some vitamin D might do her good. The only thing she enjoyed about her location was that France truly was lovely this time of year. But if she ever had to go into hiding again, she was going someplace tropical. The Bermuda Triangle seemed like an acceptable location at this point.

This hotel was by far the nicest. She had saved it for last hoping this would be her last stop. The marble floors of the lobby sparkled. Her arrival was easily announced by the sound of her heels. She scanned the lobby, which had became a habit more than a safety precaution. She looked to the elevators in enough time to see the same blonde head from the night before slip into one. She snorted at the idea of it being Erin. This place certainly was her taste. She imagined the blonde would love it here. Maybe once this was all over, she would swallow her disdain for this city and bring the older woman here. They had talked about it numerous times before, but Emily didn't think either of them actually believed it would ever happen. FBI agents rarely got long vacations, or short vacations for that matter. There was always another criminal begging to be caught. Emily shook her head free of the thought. No use in dwelling on things that may never come to be. She walked to the desk and checked in under her new alias—Erin Garcia. This was the only of her new identities that she had chosen herself. The names of two of her favorite women brought her comfort. She imagined Penelope would love it, even if she didn't particularly care for their boss. Still, she would be flattered that Emily had chosen to take her name and make some joke about the two of them getting hitched.

The first order of business when Emily reached the top floor was a surveillance sweep. There was only one other room on the floor, and there were cameras littering the hallway, which Emily was thankful for. The windows in her room were bolted shut, not that she expected any of Doyle's lackeys, or anyone really, to be capable of scaling twenty-two floors. Her door had two locks aside from the need for a keycard. She had a wonderful view of the Eiffel Tower and all of the beauty Paris had to offer. The room itself was quite romantic in the classical sense. Higher ceilings, gold embellishments here and there. It walked the fine line between tasteful and gaudy, but it somehow all worked together. It was the epitome of a Parisian feel. With all of the necessary things out of the way, it was time to unpack. However, after laying eyes on the king size bed in the middle of the room, she decided unpacking could wait. She kicked off her heels and dove onto the bed like a child. She relished in the feeling of the soft duvet. She prayed the room service was good because she did not see herself leaving this room often. Checking the time, she realized "Cheeto Breath" was sure to be online and waiting for her. Opening up her computer, she tried to let all the stress she had built up melt away.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Death ends a life, not a relationship” —Mitch Albom_

* * *

Erin absolutely adored her hotel room. She was one of two rooms on the top floor, which made her feel safe. She had more than enough money to finance her trip after selling her house. She had no regrets about selling it, as Alan had been the one to pay for it. The only reason she wanted the house in the divorce was in case her children ever decided to visit her. It was an added benefit that Alan loved the house, so it was her only effort at revenge for the many women he had slept with during their marriage. Seeing as she hadn't heard from her children in a while, it seemed like a waste of her ex-husband's money to keep such a large house that would remain empty. She had plenty of other things she could spend his money on. Like treating herself to a nice hotel room with a beautiful view. The room was the only aspect of this vacation that actually made it feel like one.

While it was nice to see Paris again, Erin knew her purpose here was far from relaxation. She would never be able to relax until the bastard that killed the woman she loved was no longer free to walk the streets—whether he be locked up or dead didn’t matter to her anymore. While her field experience was limited, she was one hell of a hunter. Erin had made many enemies and few friends while climbing the ladder in her career, But those few friends were reliable enough to count on. Starting first thing in the morning, she would make her attempts to contact them. She had a few favors to cash-in on as well. Tonight, however, she was going to see the city lit up. At least as much of the city she could see between here and the little café a few blocks over.

The last time she had been in Paris was right after she graduated from college. She took some time after university to travel. Paris was her first stop, and became her only stop, on her journey. She fell in love with the city and all the romance it had to offer. She vowed to herself that she and her future husband would honeymoon in Paris, but Alan was never one for romance. She and Emily had talked many times about visiting, but that dream was over. It was a little bittersweet that Emily was the reason for her return to the city she so loved. Still, everything in this city served to remind her of that fact. As she was walking back to her hotel after dinner, she saw a tall, thin brunette constantly looking around. She didn't look much like Emily. She had short hair and was much skinnier than her friend, but she reminded Erin enough of her loss. She ducked her head and moved through the crowded streets a little faster, just wanting to find an escape in her dreams. Her dreams that night, however, felt less like an escape and more like a prison.

The next morning Erin set out to work. She put in calls to Interpol, the CIA, the NSA, and any other agency she thought might have intel on her target. She cashed in every favor she was owed and racked up a few of her own debts in the process. If Doyle wasn't on everyone's radar before, he would be after today. No one had any immediate intel, but Erin had just unleashed an international man-hunt. That small victory gave Erin some hope. She had read everything Garcia had sent her several times. She could probably recite every detail of those files in her sleep. She fought the urge to call her and hound her for more information. Erin knew this was all Garcia had. She didn't think she would withhold anything. Knowing this, however, did not put a damper on her desire to call just to check. She refused to put her subordinate in a more awkward position than she already had, though. So now, the only thing Erin could do was keep her ear to the ground and pray for a lead to come through soon, no matter how minuscule it was. Erin would follow any breadcrumb that came her way until she accomplished what she set out to do. While Emily was stubborn, Erin was much more so. She had patience when necessary. She would wait as long as she had to.

Erin closed the files on her laptop and opened her email. She had been putting off checking it all day, but she knew she couldn't avoid it forever. She was surprised to see an email from Agent Seaver requesting a transfer to Agent Swan's unit and another from Agent Hotchner requesting Jennifer be hired as her replacement. Agent Seaver had been a valuable asset to the BAU, but Erin knew the girl didn't want to stay in the department forever. Hunting serial killers was not an easy task for the daughter of one. The experience gave her knowledge that was invaluable in many cases, but she would never be free of her past if she continued to relive it. It was better she move on. She quickly accepted Agent Seaver's transfer. She was a valuable asset to the bureau and would remain so no matter what division she chose to work in.

Jennifer had talked before about going back to the BAU. She was adamant that if she ever got the opportunity, it would be as a profiler rather than a communications liaison. Erin was sure the young woman had what it took. If the State Department was willing to release Jennifer from her duties, she would be more than happy to welcome her back. Even if they didn't, she didn't care. She was willing to put her position on the line this time in order to grant Jennifer’s wish. The BAU was a family, and they operated much better when together. There was a level of trust between agents in that department that could not be rivaled. Jennifer was a part of that. She opened Aaron's email. Below the formal request was one line that made Erin smile: _Cashing in on that favor._ She approved the request without question, and included a line of her own as reassurance: _No favors needed—this is where Jennifer belongs._ She still owed him one. This was for Jennifer as much as it was for the team; it was for Emily as much as it was for anyone. It was time Jennifer was home with her family. She would call in a favor or two if necessary and take whatever heat rained down on her. She was more than happy to bring the team back together. They deserved that much, at least.

Erin picked up her phone to call Garcia. She had once blocked Emily and Aaron from leaving. She was sure she could push Jennifer's transfer back to the FBI through just the same. She laughed a little when the analyst answered her phone.

"Go for Garci."

"Miss Garcia, this is Section Chief Strauss."

"Oh hi, ma'am. I'm afraid I don't have anything new to report. But Sergio is doing well. He's quite the cuddle bug."

"He is, isn't he? I am very glad he is being well taken care of. I am not calling for information, however. I have yet another favor to ask of you. It is of the utmost importance and top secret. Do you accept?"

"Super top secret extremely important missions happen to be my specialty, ma'am. Hit me with it."

Erin couldn't help but smile. The team was lucky to have someone like Garcia. She hoped they realized that.

"I seem to recall hearing a rumor that once upon a time, you blocked Agent Hotchner's transfer request as well as Emily's resignation. Am I correct?"

"Uh, ma'am. Let me explain. I was onl-"

"I know, Miss Garcia. Do you also have the ability to push a transfer through the system? Like I said, it's very important."

"Are you, Section Chief Erin Strauss, Queen of by-the-book, giving me permission to break the rules?"

"No, I'm not just giving you permission, Penelope. I'm giving you an order. Agent Ashley Seaver has put in a transfer request to Agent Swan’s unit. I believe that she has more than served her time with the BAU and will be very happy to begin her new assignment as soon as possible. In her place, Agent Jennifer Jareau has put in for a transfer back to the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. I'd like to see that it goes through as quickly as possible. I assume you posses the magical abilities to make that happen."

"Your wish is my command, Chief. She will be an official member of the team by the start of work tomorrow. Ashley will be switched by then as well. I can't thank you enough for bringing her home to us, ma'am."

"Thank yourself, Penelope. You're the one who is going to make it happen. If anything is said, I will take full responsibility for your actions. You were only following my orders, after all. Oh and I suppose you should let Agent Hotchner know that his new team member will be starting tomorrow. I'll give the news to Jennifer myself. Thank you, Penelope."

Penelope was really starting to like this new Chief Strauss. Or maybe this was the actual Chief Strauss. Either way, she could see why Emily would like her so much.

"Ma'am, if I may, and I apologize in advance if I overstep, but you're not on vacation, are you?"

Erin Strauss actually laughed. It took Penelope by surprise.

"You really should stop hanging around profilers, Penelope. They're starting to rub off on you. Between you and me, and I really mean that, I'm not on vacation."

"You're looking for a Doyle, aren't you?"

"Yes. He will not get away with hurting someone I love. I couldn't be there to protect her when she needed me, but the least I can do is get justice for her death."

"Thank you. Please be careful. He's a very dangerous man, and I fully expect you to return home to us. If you need anything at all, even if it's just a friend, you know where to find me. Garci out."

The prospect of another friendship frightened Erin, but it warmed her heart as well. She knew she couldn't be completely alone forever. She suspected that there was no better friend to have that Penelope Garcia. Erin smiled as she dialed Jennifer's number next.

"Jareau." "Hello, Jennifer. This is Erin Strauss. I have been informed of your request to go back to the FBI."

"Uh, yeah about that ma'am. I know I was supposed to-"

"Jennifer, relax. I didn't call to fuss. A little birdie told me that your reassignment goes into effect tomorrow morning. Can you start then?"

"Seriously? I was told my transfer would take months. How did- oh. Penny is behind this, isn't she?"

"Not entirely. I gave her the order, but she made it happen. So be sure to thank her. If you have any problems, send them directly to me. I'm putting it all in the line to make this transfer happens. And to be sure it sticks, so please do not disappoint. It's high time you were back home. Permanently. The BAU is where you belong. Being together is what you all need right now."

"I don't know how to thank you for this, ma'am. I won't let you down."

"No, I don't think you will. You're going to make an excellent profiler, Jennifer. You did good work while you were away, but I believe your talents are better suited for the FBI rather than running around in the desert. If you need anything, feel free to call. I'll be away for a while, but I will do what I can for you. Take care of your team. I believe they need you now more than ever."

"Of course, ma'am. Thank you again."

Erin felt good after that. Really good. The BAU was the FBI's most effective team, regardless of their reputation within the rest of the bureau. With a Jennifer back, she was sure they would find even more success. They operate better as a family unit than they do when they get split up. Erin had learned that the hard way. As long as she was still the section chief, or in any position with the power to do so, she would make sure they didn't get separated again. Come hell or high water, she would keep them together. Erin hoped once she located Ian Doyle, coupled with Jennifer's return, she could earn a little of the team's trust. At the very least, she hoped this would prove that she was not the bad guy they made her out to be. Regardless of whether or not it brought about any change, Erin would be in their corner from here on out. Very few people could do this job, and even less could do it effectively. If anyone claimed they could, she would gladly send them into the field, eager to watch them come back defeated. She knew that feeling well.

All of Erin's other emails required very little thought. She replied to them all in a matter of minutes after ordering room service. She heard the knock on her door just in time, as her stomach was growling. She answered the door and looked down at the tray in front of her. This was not what she had ordered.

"Room service for Miss Erin Garcia."

That was an interesting name. It was suspicious, but Erin was too tired to jump to conclusions tonight.

"I'm afraid you have the wrong room. I'm Erin Strauss." She saw a second waiter come up with her order. "And that over there is my food."

The waiter looked down at the card on his cart. "Sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am. This belongs to the room next door."

She nodded as the two waiters switched places, the first waiter knocking on the door across from hers. She was tempted to wait and get a look at this Erin Garcia, but her food had already been wheeled into the room. It would be very noticeable, and probably a little creepy, if she waited out the hall for her neighbor to come out. And Erin was hungry. She shook her head, resigning to the fact that it was some bizarre coincidence to be staying in the same hotel, on the same floor, with someone who had two very familiar names as her own. Just an odd, unlikely coincidence. Or the universe making her the butt of another cruel joke. Erin shut her door and fastened the two locks. She didn't look through the peep hole when she heard her neighbor's door open. It didn't quell her curiosity, but Erin was too hungry and tired to be nosy tonight. She dug into her food and fell into another restless sleep, dreams of standing on top of the Eiffel Tower with a beautiful brunette in her arms filling her mind.


	5. Chapter 5

_“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” —Maya Angelou_

* * *

A few weeks went by with no solid leads, and Erin was starting to lose hope. It was as if Ian Doyle had vanished without a trace. Erin was feeling the desperation start to kick in, but in the back of her mind, she could hear Emily's words from that first case they had worked together. _You don't have to become the next victim to the job. You can keep that light._ She was not going to give up all hope. Emily would not want her to give up, and the thought of disappointing the woman she loved, even in death, was too much to bear. She would keep looking. She would go to the ends of the earth to find this bastard. No matter how smart he thought himself, everyone was bound to make a mistake. Erin was counting on it. Eventually Doyle would come out again. And when he did, Erin Strauss would be there to lock him up for life or kill him. She hadn't decided which just yet. She was getting ready to head to call it a night when her phone rang. Seeing Penelope's name pop up on the screen, she decided the bed calling her name would have to wait.

"Please tell me something good, Penelope."

"Me. I am good. No, I am amazing. You'll never believe who I just heard is back in DC. The devil himself, Ian Doyle. And I know where he is and what he is up to. I suggest you get back here quickly. The jet will be arriving at the airport in Paris within the hour. You’re cleared to drive straight to the tarmac and board. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

"You are quite good, Miss Garcia. Almost scary good it seems. Do I even want to know how you figured out that I am in Paris?"

"Don't worry about that now, Chief. Worry about getting your butt on that jet and back to Quantico. We need you here. I'll be briefing the team shortly. I'll catch you up to speed when you get here. We're going to get him this time, ma’am."

"Yes we will, Penelope. I'll make sure of that. Regardless of how you knew or what you had to do to find me, thank you."

Erin quickly forgot about how tired she was. Adrenaline had replaced all feelings of sleepiness. She threw all of her clothes haphazardly into her suitcase, not giving a second thought to the wrinkled mess they would be once she unpacked them. That was a problem for later. One she couldn’t give a damn about right now. She rushed to the lobby to check out of her room. A small part of her was going to miss Paris. She had felt a new closeness to her Emily while here, even though they had never actually gotten to see the city together. But most of her was excited to be going back home to Emily's apartment. No matter how long Erin lived there, it would always be Emily's apartment. And that is why Erin loved it so much. Between the apartment and Sergio, Erin would always have a piece of the woman she loved with her. Going to the place she had thought of as home for so long, even before losing her friend, felt like walking into the arms of the beautiful brunette. She hoped the apartment never lost that allure. As excited as she was to get back to that bed and her little demon, she was most excited by the prospect of finally being able make good on the promise she had made the other woman. She was going home to get justice for her Emily.

Outside the streets were packed. Erin knew the likelihood of hailing a cab would be slim to none. At the moment, she was too restless and energized to be confined to such a small space. Exercise and fresh air would do her good, especially with such a long flight to look forward to. Even though the airport was several blocks away, Erin had packed and left much quicker than anticipated, so she had the time to spare. She would walk half way and try her luck at finding a taxi then. With her suitcase in hand and this new burst of energy, she set of down the crowded streets of Paris. She had some very important unfinished business to take care of, and nothing was going to get in her way.

* * *

Emily turned the corner, her attention focused on her phone. It was time. Time for her to come out of hiding. Time for the fear she carried everyday to be out to rest. Time for Doyle to pay. Time for her to go home. _Home_. The thought filled her with more nerves than excitement. Time to face the music. Her team would be shocked, but hopefully not upset. As long as Erin was willing to forgive her, she could make it through anything. She didn't get to dwell on her thoughts for long, though, as her body collided with another. She glanced down to see the blonde head that had been plaguing her dreams for weeks on the ground, suitcase knocked over beside her. She extended her hand and offered her apologies. Only as the other woman was standing straight did Emily realize just who she was looking at, even though the blonde’s eyes were still firmly locked on the ground. _Erin_. She let out a gasp, a sob following shortly.

"Are you okay, Miss? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry I should have been paying attention to where I was walking. I'm just in a hurry."

Erin still had yet to meet her eyes, choosing instead to look over her body for signs of injury. The perusal sent a shiver through Emily’s body. God was it good to see her again.

"Don't you recognize me, _ma'am_?"

Erin's head snapped up at the last word. The way the woman in front of her drawled it out was unmistakable. There was only one woman in this whole godforsaken world who could make a sign of respect sound so disrespectful. And so sensual. But that woman was supposed to be dead.

"I know I may look like death, but I promise I am very much alive. It's so good to see you, Erin."

Then Erin was pulled into a hug. There was no mistaking the body pressed against her. While she was thinner now, she would know the feeling of this body anywhere. Her Emily. It was Erin's turn to gasp. She was too stunned to cry. That would come later.

"But you’re—Jennifer told me... How?"

"Hotch and JJ. I was snuck out of the hospital before I had the chance to wake from surgery and stashed away in another until I was fit to fly. Then I was brought straight here to hide until they were sure it was safe for me to come back from the dead. I didn’t want to hide, but it was out of my hands. Oh, Erin, I wanted to tell you. I have thought about it every single day. I was too afraid he would find you and hurt you to get to me. I'm so sorry."

Erin pulled back from the embrace to really look at Emily. She had seen her that first night in Paris. That thin brunette across the street that had vaguely reminded her of Emily was her brunette all along. She looked older. Unhealthy. Her brown eyes still held their unmistakable fire, but the stress of the past few months was written all over that beautiful face. Even though she had changed so much, she was still just as gorgeous. The sight of her took Erin’s breath away.

"Your turn, Erin. What the hell are you doing in Paris if you had no idea I was alive?"

"Officially, I'm on vacation. Unofficially, I've been in Paris the past few weeks trying to track down Doyle. I'm on my way to the airport to catch the jet back to Quantico."

"How funny. I'm on my way to grab my things before hopping a jet back to Quantico. I think you're riding with me. I can’t believe you flew all this way for me."

“Of course I did. I thought that bastard had taken you away from me. I was prepared to follow him to hell if that’s what it took.”

Emily was too stunned to form a response. Instead, she grabbed Erin's hand and laced their fingers together. Touching the object of her affections felt like finally coming home. She lightly tugged on the other woman’s hand, prompting her to turn around and walk back toward the hotel she had just vacated. While they waited for the elevator, Erin kept stealing glances at Emily. This was actually happening. She was going to kill Aaron and Jennifer once this was over, although she was impressed with their ability to keep a secret and Jennifer's acting skills. She squeezed the hand in hers to keep reminding herself that her Emily was safe. She was alive. She had come back to her. She watched as Emily hit the button for the twenty-second floor and it hit her.

"You're Erin Garcia."

"How do you know about that?"

"I've been your neighbor for some time. My second night here, room service mixed up our rooms. Tried to give me Erin Garcia's order. The name threw me off guard, but I was too tired to make put the pieces together. I wanted to wait to see who she was, but I didn’t want to look like a creep. I wish I had now."

That earned a laugh from Emily.

"I knew this hotel would be your style, but what are the odds that in a city as large as this, we ended up in the same hotel on a floor with only two rooms for weeks and had no idea of the other's presence?"

Erin laughed too. The universe was playing some weird games with them right now. It felt as though it had been for some time. Erin waited by the door while Emily grabbed her things. It didn't take long as Emily was preparing to move hotels the next day. This time they waited in the lobby after the hotel called them a cab. Emily had grabbed Erin's hand again, lacing their fingers together once more. They both needed the physical contact to keep them grounded. Erin was getting used to the feeling and would miss it when they returned to the bureau. She was nervous about going back. She was nervous about the case, about the prospect of Emily having to go against Doyle again, and about the rest of the team's reaction to Emily coming back to life. She suspected the younger woman was nervous as well judging from how tight Emily was holding her hand. The jet was waiting for them when they got to the airport. The two women opted for the same seat they had occupied on the way home from Milwaukee. Erin sat down first and opened her warms to the other woman. Emily not-so-gracefully plopped herself down and snuggled into the blonde's side.

"Please tell me Penelope has Sergio. I don't think I could stand the idea of going home without him."

Erin nodded. "He has been in he excellent care since I left for Paris. But that reminds me of something important we need to discuss," Erin felt Emily's body stiffen in her arms. "The living arrangements upon your return home will be a little different seeing as I have moved into your apartment. I started paying the rent as soon as Jennifer told me you were gone... and I took over the lease and put my house on the market just a few weeks after returning to the states. My house sold the day I left for Paris. You love that apartment so much, I couldn't stand the thought of someone else having it. My house was way too large for just me, and I had honestly spent almost every night since my return there. It has been more of a home for me for a long time than that big house ever was. Plus it gave Sergio and I a piece of you to hold onto. I moved my things in around yours. I left everything else the same. I hope you don’t mind the intrusion."

At those words she felt Emily relax. She breathed a sigh of relief.

" Of course you did. Honestly that is so sweet. I don’t know how to thank you."

Emily started laughing at the older woman. She was happy that she could go home to the apartment she missed so much. Having the woman she loved by her side was just an added bonus.

"Just don’t kick me out. If you don't mind having a roommate for a little while, that would be thanks enough. As soon as Doyle is where he belongs, I'll start looking for a new place. After all, it was always your apartment to me. Even though I was living there and you were gone, I never stopped thinking of it as yours."

"You can stay with me as long as you like. Forever even.I do hope you know that you're not allowed to sleep on the couch, though. The last time you did, I almost never heard the end of how badly your back had suffered from it."

Erin smiled down at the brunette snuggled up to her. She would never turn down another night in bed with her favorite woman. She would take things really slow when it came time to look for her own apartment. She was in no hurry to go anywhere else.

"There is something I must confess to you, though. I think it's time you knew the truth about yourself, Erin.”

She felt Erin tense and giggled before continuing. “You, my dear, love to cuddle in yoursleep. Do you remember that last morning we saw each other? You woke up completely wrapped around me." She felt Erin nod. "I woke up that way every morning that you had stayed with me. I knew you didn't realize that you were doing it and that you wouldbe mortified if you found out, so I would always get up first to spare you the embarrassment."

"Oh god..." Erin felt the blush rising on her cheeks. She had never been one to cuddle before. "So why didn't you get up early that morning?"

"You were leaving for an unknown amount of time, and I wasn’t sure when I would get to see you again. I wanted all of the time with you I could get. And if we're being honest, I like your cuddles. I've missed them. I’ve missed you."

"You were never concerned about my back at all, were you? You simply wanted an excuse to keep me in your bed to use me for my unconscious cuddling. You devious little sneak."

"If I was as devious as you're accusing me of being, why would I tell you about it? But yes, that was a large part of it. I’m only telling you now, though, because I wanted you to be prepared. I have no intentions of sneaking out of it anymore."

Erin felt her cheeks flush again. She couldn't wait to go home and go to bed with this woman. Thoughts of a more devious nature wormed their way inside her head. Her face grew impossibly warmer. She tried to shake them, but they wouldn't go away. She tried to focus on her breathing instead, which had sped up more than she had like. She figured the profiler had noticed, but thankfully she didn't point it out.

"I'm okay with that arrangement. However, I'm not so sure Sergio will be. He grew quite used to curling up next to me before I left. From what Penelope has told me, he has continued to do so with her."

Emily snorted and nodded in agreement. She tried to stifle the yawn that came next. Her eyelids were getting heavy, reminding her of how little sleep she had gotten in the time she was pretending to be dead. Erin could sense how sleepy she was and started to remove herself from the seat so Emily could lay down, but the younger woman gripped her tightly.

"Stay with me, please? There's plenty of room for two. It’s been too long. I’m not ready to let you go just yet."

Erin couldn't deny this woman anything. She was more than happy to hold Emily as long as she wanted her to. She agreed and laid back on the seat, allowing Emily to Recline against her.

"I’m not going anywhere. Get some sleep, Em. We may have a long flight to go, but we'll be home soon enough. There won’t be much time for rest once we land."

Erin reached up and switched off the cabin light above them. It didn't take long for her to feel Emily relax into sleep. Erin relaxed for the first time since receiving news of Emily's “death.” She held her love tightly as she looked out at the night sky. Never in her wildest dreams did she allow herself to think that her Emily could still be alive. She never thought she would get the opportunity to hold her again. But now that she had her back, Erin vowed to never let her go again. They might not be together in the capacity that Erin wanted, but they were together. If that was all she was granted, it would begood enough for her.

Erin pulled out her phone and texted both Aaron and Jennifer. I know about Emily. We'll be home soon. Make sure Penelope is ready to get us up to speed.

Erin knew she would have to fess up to the real reason for her vacation, but the idea bothered her much less now than it had when she left. It didn't matter who knew what she had been up to in Paris. In fact, she thought it best that the team know that she had been searching for Doyle. She wanted them to know she was on their side. She wanted them to know that she loved Emily just as much as they did. If Emily could care about her, maybe they could at least tolerate her. But at the end of the day, no one else's opinion of her mattered besides Emily's. No one mattered to her as much as Emily.

Erin relaxed further into the seat, keeping a tight grip on the younger woman. Nothing in the world could make her happier than she was at this moment. Nothing could compare to having her Emily back. All the work that awaited them back in the states seemed minuscule in comparison to the feeling of Emily being in her arms. As she stared at the stars in the sky, she allowed the tears she had been holding in for a while to fall freely. Everything was finally going to be alright, and she felt ready to take on whatever the world may throw at her with Emily by her side. 


End file.
